The Big Bang… How Stupid People were created…

OK! White people. Answer this question for me. Who is Guy Fawkes?

The guy who you light fireworks for you say? Close! But not quite. Why do you light fireworks? What did he do? I hear rumblings of “he tried to blow up parliament” which is almost correct. But why did he do this? You don’t know? Ok easier question then, WHERE did this occur? CORRECT! Merry Olde Ingerlaaand…

A bigoted woman commented on a public forum called Facebook that the whites were quiet on Guy Fawkes, but the Indians have no respect on “bloody Diwali” as she put it. “Think of the poor doggies” she continued. Last time I checked, my dogs were not lighting fireworks. Granted, they probably wouldn’t want to even if they did have opposable thumbs which they would need to hold a lighter, but thats not what she said. She made it sound like the Indians had invaded her peaceful little white enclave in Rivonia, and were strapping her Jack Russel to a rocket before launching it toward the stratosphere. How does she know her dogs aren’t getting excited by the pretty sparkling lights in the sky?

We all know that SOME dogs get frightened by the loud cracks of thunder that SOME fireworks make. Andria, you can’t control other people, so you must do what you can with the things in your control. Some dogs are OK if you let them inside to lie on your bed, others might enjoy a tranquilizer or two (I know I do). I tried tying pantyhose around my dogs ears to mute the sound (as was recommended by a vet), but my dog being the hero she was, decided that the bangs weren’t so bad, and were a better option than the embarrassment of wearing pantyhose around her head. And yes, the law says you need permission to light fireworks, but this is more to stop your neighbour from recreating the Olympic Opening ceremony in his back garden than popping the occasional cracker, and lets face it, your dog doesn’t know the law…

I was called arrogant and self centered with a chip on my shoulder for chastising this ignorant woman. I explained to her that fireworks are as much a part of Diwali as Santa Claus is part of Christmas. Its called the Festival of Light, because the Hindus are celebrating the triumph of good over evil, and the loud bangs are believed to scare away evil. Its part of their culture. If we are to move forward as a country it requires you to be tolerant of other peoples culture, as much as they should respect yours.

So Andria, if you choose to celebrate on the 5th of November, and reminisce about your colonialist past, and light fireworks to celebrate the failed attempt to assassinate King James I and replace him with a Catholic monarch in England in 1605 (not sure how that relates to South Africa, but we will let that slide) and light fireworks, and burn an effigy of your neighbour on a bonfire, your neighbour should respect that too.

You see Andria, it was not me who brought race and culture into this argument  it was you. You could have said “these fucking fireworks are scaring my stupid dog.” And I would have crooned “Agahhhshameman! The poor creature!” But you didn’t. You chose to mount a full on offensive against Indians and Diwali by talking about the inconsiderate Indians and “bloody Diwali”. Stop being so backwards, you are holding this country back. I could go on a whole tirade about how stupid people like you should be given a bottle of drain cleaner without instructions on how to use it, and lets see if you wipe yourself out, but I’ve done that before. So I’m just going to leave it there. I think you know how stupid you are, you don’t need me to point it out…

The point here is not the fireworks. Or Guy Fawkes vs Diwali. Its not even whites against Indians. The issue is that as long as intolerant people like Andria exist in South Africa, and spray their putrid stupidity over the interwebs, South Africa will take twice as long to get to the end of this road, because we keep taking steps backwards.

UPDATE: Having re-read this, my position on fireworks seems a little ambiguous. I like them. I feel they have their place in South African culture (not only Guy Fawkes and Diwali, but also at things like New Years parties, sports finals etc.), just don’t blow up anyone’s dogs.

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