Even I Cause People to Face Palm Sometimes

You know those moments when someone says or does something that causes your shoulders to drop, for you to place your face in your palm, and just shake your head, because you can’t believe what you are seeing… Those moments happen to everyone, even me!

When I was a little younger, I used to say and do what I wanted. I was thick skinned and wasn’t afraid of offending people. I was young, dumb and full of… ummmmm… how do I say this without offending anyone? Full of very active sperm cells? You get the picture.

I’m fairly sure that in those days there were many facepalm moments for my family and friends, because I was fearless, and I wasn’t afraid of being offensive. I’m sure this made me very unlikable to anyone with any sensitivities, but for my friends it was always a good laugh. Whenever someone did get offended and asked “doesn’t he know where to draw the line?”, the usual response was “he lives so far on the other side of the line, he is about to cross it twice…”

And there was good reason for me being like that. I’m not going to get into detail about why, but suffice to say I’ve grown up from those days. I have a job where I act respectable, and where I try my hardest to be professional. This was a neccesary step in my life, and I’m ok with that. Every now and again, that inner bastard bursts through uncontrollably and I’ll call someone a See. You. Next. Tuesday. These moments remind me of those days when I wouldn’t feel embarresed or scared of what people thought.

An example of this is while we were at university, for Rich’s birthday every year we would pretty much blow up the little town of Stellenbosch with the biggest fireworks we could find, because Rich’s birthday is on Guy Fawkes Day. We would search far and wide for the most explosive peices of gunpowder available, and then be as childish as we could with them. It was foolish and dangerous, AND THE MOST FUN THING TO DO! EVER! IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! (Except for the one year when we went to Somerset BEach with thousands of other Guy Fawkes revellers, this was like stepping into Baghdad). Last year we bought pretty fireworks, that sparkled blue and didn’t make any noise and a couple of rockets. Then we went into the mountains and politely let off the fireworks, worried about the police showing up and asking us to leave…

I am ok with that though. Because life has changed. My priorities have changed. I need to be more than the joker I used to be. I need people to think I’m respectable enough for them to believe what I am saying… To do this, I have had to become sensitive to what people think and feel about me. I am now nice to people when I first meet them rather than being abbrasive. Now, sometimes I suprise people when I am crude or rude; while other older friends are suprised when I answer a question without deluding to some sort of phallic symbol. I like the person I have become, and fuck you if you don’t like it… OK, I’m sorry, that was mean…

Every now and again though I feel like stripping naked, giving the world the middle finger and calling everyone a vrot banana… When this happens, don’t be suprised when I shout Jou Ma…sn’t Push, and come out with the dirtiest gutteral trash you have ever heard.You may then drop your face into your palm and shake your head. You have my full permission.

Have a great day!

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