The Sbu 500

Every now and again I’m offered lavish gifts for the services I render to the fair people of this fine country. When I say every now and again I mean at least once a month, the lavish gifts are speedings tickets and the fair people are those varks from the traffic department, for the speed I use the roads built by the equivalent of the Vukuzakhe project in the Cape… But this is beside the point. I often wish I could return these presents, but Yaakop Zoomer insists I keep them and instead pay the people who send me these gifts back in cash.

Sbu Ndebele was given a Mercedes Benz S500, or what I now call a Sbu 500, by the 30 000 contractors who benefited from the Vukuzakhe project in KZN while he was the premiere. He is now the new Minister of Transport in Big J’s new cabinet. And therefore it is fitting that he be transported in something luxurios and expensive… Unsure of what to do he spoke to the BigBoss about what to do with these gifts. He was told to use his discretion and if he wished to keep them, that they must be reported as gifts to parliament.

So he gave back the R1.2 million Sbu 500, as well as the other gifts. Now I can understand why he would give back the huge plasma TV and the wine glasses, as he probably already has those… And the car could be considered a little too lavish to be JUST a present… But the two cows given to him by the taxi business’s, why would he give those back. Traditionally cows are worth more than money, more than cars, more than anything. They are worth sex! A man would traditionally buy a wife with cows, so he could enter her Garden of Eden. How could he be expected to give those back?

The best part of this story is, Mr Jesus Zorba did not set the tone for his term as President by saying “we as the Cabinet will not accept gifts for good performance”. The reason for this is he doesn’t expect to recieve many gifts for good performance, so take what you can get… If the cows were given to Jacob, he would have bought another wife and driven her like a Sbu 500.

Is this a sign of things to come? If so make me a minister, shower me in gifts and I will work my bum off! Or maybe this is how the government is going to rescue the economy, by insisting that good service delivery is rewarded well. I guess that means that those offering no service delivery will be paid none-the-less, but shouldn’t expect any gifts. To the varks at the Traffic Department, keep sending me your presents, I will not be returning a thing, not a cent, regardless of your service delivery!